You’ve said yes and started planning the big day and now it’s time to figure out who should stand next to you on your big day? Who should plan your shower and your bachelorette party? Who is going to help you in your dress on the big day to pee when you can’t get out of it? All important questions and also a touchy subject! Between friends, family, your spouses family members it can get a little dicey… That’s probably why my husband an I only had one person each in our party…
Here are some tips to make the decision easier for you!
There is no rule to how big the party should or has to be. Like I said my husband and I only had one friend each up there. Don’t feel like you need to include everyone, having a smaller party can often be much easier. If there are more bridesmaids than groomsmen that’s really ok, you can always double up as they walk down the isle.
First I will say don’t feel obligated to have someone in your wedding party. I know, I know, I can say that all I want it’s not going to help you. You feel obligated to include your sister, your new sister in law, your cousin you spent every summer with and your college roommate because you were in their wedding party or because they are family. But again there is nothing that dictates that you have to return the favor or include your new family member. Do what feels right for you. If you want to have a discussion with someone about why they weren’t chosen you certainly can. You can also find an alternative role for the person you did’t include, a reading or another part of the ceremony so they can still feel included in your special day.
Maid of Honor/Best Man
These are the most coveted positions of the wedding party but they also come with a lot of responsibility! You can easily go best friend or family member for this position. This position does come with a lot of family politics and also a lot of work. Chose someone who can truly be up to the task!
Being a member of a wedding party comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of costs. You don’t want the groomsmen falling over drunk at the ceremony and you don’t want a bridesmaid fretting over having to pay $200 for a dress they will never wear again, the bridal shower and bachelorette they need to travel for, and the hair, make-up, and nails they have to get done!
You may love your friend dearly but they might just have to much going on in their own lives to be in your party making being part of your big day a burden to them and you don’t want to do that! Make sure that you explain your reasoning to your friend for not including them especially if its someone you’re really close to and make sure you approach the conversation carefully, this isn’t something you want to lose your friend over.
How to Let People Down Easily
Ultimately, this is your big day to bring together those you love to celebrate a very special time in your lives. Those who can’t be included can still play a role. Like I said earlier they can do a reading, be ushers, sing a song, do what ever it is that you need. Just remember it’s your day and it’s impossible to include everyone! If you have a friend or family member that feels particularly slighted by the lack of wedding involvement have a conversation with them. Bring it up and be honest but speak with care. You don’t want to hurt their feelings more.
Take your time when selecting your party. Don’t rush into the decision. Make the choice that feels right for you and your partner! It’s YOUR big day together!